How to Rebuild Trust After Cheating

Rebuilding trust after an affair is not impossible. It requires both patience and consistency from both partners. Here are some things to keep in mind:

Trust takes time to rebuild. Don't expect your partner to forgive and forget in the time frame that you would like. Maybe you decided to end the affair and have moved on but your partner still needs time to heal and process how it all happened, what exactly happened and why it happened. 

Rebuilding trust takes great patience.

Brene Brown uses a glass jar full of marbles as a metaphor for trust. The glass jar represents the vessel that holds trust. The marbles are added one at a time over time as trust is built between two people. When there is a break in trust, it is like removing marbles from the jar. An affair can be such a big break in trust, in can shatter the jar all together. Putting the pieces back of the glass jar back together is a painstaking process (if you have ever tried supergluing a broken vase you know what I mean.) And even if you are able to put all the pieces back together, it is not quite the same glass jar you started with. 

Couples counseling can help couples put the pieces back together and reinforce the jar (aka-your relationship) to make it even stronger. It requires a lot of effort both in and outside of the therapy room. It is possible if both parties are wanting to do the work. The new vessel may not look the same, but that's okay. When there is an affair, it usually means the couple needed to shatter an old vessel to rebuild a new an improved one.

Consistency is another key factor in rebuilding trust after an affair. When we think about people we trust, we know we can depend on them, they are reliable and responsible. Couples who successfully rebuild after an affair display consistency in effort, consistency in transparency (there are no secrets in a healthy relationship) and consistency in honesty. Even though the work is hard couples who save their marriage/relationship don't give up!

Of course there are several other important factors to work on in rebuilding trust. To learn more about rebuilding trust with your partner, reach out to schedule your first couples counseling session today.